Letting the cables sleep

silenceI woke up today with literally no voice and it got me thinking what would happen if I lost it for good, what if it’s gone and I could no longer speak, would my world become silent? would I actually mute my self?, considering I’m half deaf my world is sometimes so silent, or quiet, I can confess that sometimes it scares me to lose it all, but there are other times when I like the idea of silent and muteness, not because of the isolation but because I believe that I would find another way to express myself, to communicate with the world the world inside of me.

It’s true that because of my low hearing levels I don’t get annoyed by noise contamination around me, loudness in bars and night clubs are usually ok by me, but at the same time there are days where the loudness (even tho I know it’s half real for me) it’s hard to handle causing me disorientation, uneasiness and anxiety.

I’ve had the hearing problems (half deafness) since the age of 2.5 (approximately) where it all started and the surgeries became part of me as birthdays and holidays into anyone’s life, I did not however had that many surgeries only 7 surgeries in 5 years, I believe only 4 of them were actually very serious ones and the other were just routine check ups. My world was never shattered or different, I was raised very “normal” with a hearing aid even tho I did got bullied at school my family and friends were always kind and patient with me, I was not left out even when I couldn’t precisely join them (when water was involved) they would always find a way to include me, and I joined for a while but at some point I would step out and enjoy the whole atmosphere from outside, the view was different and it taught me to observe, to see things through other shades or lights so little by little I became this silent person that observes from aside all around her, because my sight, taste, smell, touch became my ears, I compensated the loss of one sense with the other 4.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve spent hundreds of nights thinking how it would be and how deeply my world would change if it completely silences… I’ve listened to marvelous music, the sound of rain, the songs of early birds and every time I listen to a song or a melody I try to treasure it as much as I can for I never know when will I hear it again and if I’ll be able to do such a thing, it’s scary, to lose this but at the same time I’m thankful for the time it was lent to me, specially the last years for I’ve tried to learn to appreciate and treasure it as much as possible.

You in the dark
You in the pain
You on the run
Living a hell
Living your ghost
Living your end
Never seem to get in the place that I belong
Don’t wanna lose the time
Lose the time to come

Whatever you say it’s alright
Whatever you do it’s all good
Whatever you say it’s alright
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way

You in the sea
On a decline
Breaking the waves
Watching the lights go down
Letting the cables sleep

Whatever you say it’s alright
Whatever you do it’s all good
Whatever you say it’s alright
Silence is not the way
We need to talk about it
If heaven is on the way
We’ll wrap the world around it
If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way

I’m a stranger in this town
I’m a stranger in this town

If heaven is on the way
If heaven is on the way
I’m a stranger in this town
I’m a stranger in this town

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