Jaded

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Have you ever felt empty? worn out? like you’ve had enough?, truth is everyone has, not many recognize it for pride or stupidity but at least once in your life you’ve felt that way and you don’t like it, of course not! no ones like to feel down/blue/sorrow, but if you change your perspective and push your self a little further you may change it course, you may realize that it’s just a phase and it will pass, you’ll either grow out of it or simply let it go, but you’ve to let your self go through the process, you’ve to feel the pain to a point that you almost like it, somehow enjoy it, embrace it with it’s bittersweet feeling that it has a purpose whatever it may be; after all “it can’t rain all the time” and you need a little rain to appreciate the warmness of sunshine.

But in the meanwhile when you are trying to embrace this sorrow you should try to keep still, not to tumble for then it may lead to trouble, unless you are the kind of person that gets up quickly no matter how much the hit hurt (if that’s so, I salute you!).

I would like this melancholy to be a bit more specific, I can enjoy it but what I certainly do not enjoy so much is the uncertainty within it, my head seems to be filled with questions and a couple of doubts but most of all questions, questions that I may not seem to answer very fast, but it’s that way because sometimes I do not know what I want from certain or specific “things” in life, even tho I may not always know what I want, I do know what I don’t want!, and I’m trying very deeply to concentrate on the things I want without being so stubborn or selfish about ’em, but perhaps that’s the issue, perhaps it’s ok to be selfish with ourselves, especially if we are not hurting anyone, if no one else is harmed by our “ego”, I solemnly consider that you don’t need to bully or step on others for your growth.

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Melancholy and sadness are the start of doubt… doubt is the beginning of despair; despair is the cruel beginning of the differing degrees of wickedness.

– Isidore Ducasse Lautreamont

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